Have a Picky Toddler? 10 Mealtime Tips for Picky Eaters
A pediatrician shares strategies to help children try new foods and make healthy choices.
For some parents and caregivers, mealtimes can be a struggle filled with bargaining, echoes of “no’s” and more food left on the plate than bites taken. Dealing with a picky toddler can be frustrating, but picky eating is a developmentally normal stage of childhood.
“When kids start eating solid food around the age of six months, they’re trying everything. But around the 15-to-18-month mark, they become a little more independent and opinionated, and this can translate to changes in eating habits,” says Dr. Gopi Desai, Director of the Theresa Lang Children’s Center at NewYork-Presbyterian Queens and an assistant professor of clinical pediatrics at Weill Cornell Medicine.
“Parents may stress about kids not eating enough, and that’s valid, but if a child is growing well, gaining weight, getting taller and developing appropriately, it’s likely they’re getting the nutrition they need.”
Whether it’s an aversion to green vegetables or reluctance to try new foods, Dr. Desai shares the do’s and don’ts for picky toddlers and picky eaters at any stage, and tips to set a foundation for healthy habits.
What is picky eating?
Dr. Desai: There is no standard definition, but I would define picky eating as a refusal to eat a variety of foods and some hesitancy in trying new foods.
Picky eating may also be parental perception, where some parents would say a child is picky, while others would think that same child eats more than their own.
What can cause picky eating?
I don’t think there’s one specific cause, but most children have propensity to become a little more selective in their toddler years as they become more strong-willed. It’s developmentally normal for kids to push back, to want to be in charge and say no – we see this in other areas of their life as well.
Second, in Western culture, the variety of snacks is not necessarily a direct cause, but it can drive behavior a little further. There are so many options, and the vast availability can fuel the fire for picky eating.
A lot of the processed, packaged snacks are also very homogenous, and we know that kids like predictability and stability. If you have cheese crackers, each one pretty much tastes the same, versus blueberries, where some are sweet, some are tart, some are mushy, and some are crisp. That variety you find in natural foods is a little bit unpredictable for children.
Parental handling of these behaviors also plays a big role, so it’s very multi-factorial.
There are some modifications we can make as parents to address picky eating as best as possible, while knowing that there’s a limit to what we can do. And even if you do everything exactly by the book and it doesn’t work, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your kid.
Dr. Gopi Desai
Is picky eating genetic? Can it be influenced more by nature or nurture?
Research is challenging in this area as it’s difficult to get quality data on eating habits. So much depends on parent reporting and perception, which is not objective.
There is probably some element of genetics involved with picky eating, since genetics are involved in most aspects of life. But it is not as precise as saying, ‘I have this gene and my kid has this gene, which means there’s nothing I can do about it.’
There are some modifications we can make as parents to address picky eating as best as possible, while knowing that there’s a limit to what we can do. And even if you do everything exactly by the book and it doesn’t work, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your kid.
As parents, we can blame ourselves and second guess if we should have done something differently. Knowing there may be some genetic component may be helpful in understanding that some of this is out of our control.
Is there any link between picky eating and how you introduce solid foods?
When you begin introducing solid food early on, the order doesn’t really matter as much as having a wide variety of tastes and textures. There’s no science that supports a benefit of introducing savory versus bland versus sweet foods first.
However, people do develop a palette based on what they’re accustomed to having.
Take juice, for example. If a child only drinks something sweet, as they get older, they’re going to be used to that. Constant juice for a 5-year-old can translate to things like soda in older kids, because it’s what your palette expects.
When should you worry about a picky toddler?
It’s very normal for kids to go through phases where they eat a ton, and then others where it seems like they’re surviving on air. This is a natural ebb and flow that we see in toddlers. It doesn’t mean that something is wrong.
Your pediatrician is a great resource to help quell some of those anxieties. If there’s any concern about their actual nutrition, you can look at their growth chart and review their development together. If they’re growing and developing well, then you don’t necessarily need to police every bite that they’re taking.
If there are concerns about growth and development, your pediatrician can help you create an individualized plan.
10 Tips for Feeding a Picky Toddler
Involve kids in meal planning
If kids are helping with the meal, they’re more likely to eat it. Bringing them grocery shopping, letting them pick out certain vegetables and fruits, and allowing them to help prepare food in an age-appropriate way can destigmatize a lot of foods.
Keep exposing kids to new foods
It can take at least 15 exposures to a new food before your child tries it. A lot of times kids will constantly refuse, and then one day, they’ll pick it up. Just because they’ve said no to something before, doesn’t mean you should stop offering. Children’s preferences change over time.
Try offering foods like peppers, cherry tomatoes or other vegetables at snack time as well so they become familiar with seeing, and maybe trying, healthy options. Offering vegetables in a “no pressure” setting or environment can help, as the more we try to pressure or coerce kids into eating, the more often they reject it.
Don’t be a short-order chef
Instead of cooking separate meals, a practical approach is to put a little piece of whatever you’re eating on your child’s plate. If you’re having broccoli at dinner, and they’ve told you repeatedly they don’t want it, that’s OK. They’re seeing it, you’re normalizing it by eating it, and it’s there for whenever they decide to try it.
Include foods your child likes
When planning meals, let them have the same meal as you, but include at least one food you know they like to satiate their hunger.
Eat as a family
Kids model after their parents and relatives for things like speech and motor development, and the same goes for eating. When eating together as a family, try to limit distractions like television, and focus on having a meal with as many family members as possible.
It may not be practical with everyone’s schedules, but if you can, at least try to sit with your child at the table to keep them company so eating doesn’t become a solo activity.
Have fun
Parenting is already stressful, but try to take the pressure out of mealtime. When we’re stressed about it, they’re going to be stressed, and it can impact their relationship with food.
Make it an enjoyable experience: sit down, put food in front of them, talk about your day or school, and shift the focus. As adults, for fun, we go out to eat or have people over for dinner. It should be a positive environment for kids as well.
Don’t negotiate or bribe
We’ve heard it before: If you finish your broccoli, you can have your dessert. That may be effective in the short term, but we want to set kids up for the future. When they’re older and no longer have this external bribery, they’re not going to keep eating the foods they should be eating. Try not to use food and treats as a reward or consequence.
Let kids listen to their own bodies
We don’t know when a kid is full, we don’t know how much they’ve eaten, or how much energy they’ve expended. But they can learn for themselves. When we force kids to eat certain amounts of food, it can end up backfiring later when they don’t know how to listen to their body or recognize their hunger cues.
Decide on dessert
Everything in moderation. Parents can decide their limits on treats and sugary foods, and there’s no one-size-fits-all answer.
Try to avoid putting dessert on a pedestal – kids will pick up on it. If you decide that tonight is a dessert night, stick to it. It shouldn’t matter how much dinner they eat. Another approach is serving dessert along with dinner to make all foods equal. It may not work for everyone, but be mindful of how you treat snacks and sweets.
Encourage whole foods
If you’re worried your child is not getting enough of one food group, like protein, supplementing occasionally with a smoothie or shake is great. But it shouldn’t be every meal or their only source. Establishing these early routines will set them up for success in their future habits, so try to encourage whole foods, as they’ll be more likely to include them in their diets later.
Additional Resources
- Learn more about NewYork-Presbyterian’s comprehensive care for infants, children, and young adults.
- Find out more on general pediatric services at NewYork-Presbyterian.