Burnout: Know the Signs and Solutions
A psychologist explains why burnout happens and shares tips on how to overcome it.
I can’t do it anymore. It’s just too much. What’s the point? These are the types of thoughts people who are experiencing burnout might have. Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It causes people to feel depleted or frayed because they are juggling too many responsibilities or demands. Common signs of burnout include chronic feelings of cynicism, weariness, and a feeling of being trapped in an unforgiving reality, according to Dr. Rachel E. Ginsberg, a psychologist at NewYork-Presbyterian/Columbia University Irving Medical Center.
“Our bodies go into ‘power-save mode,’ and we grow dim and disconnected,” explains Dr. Ginsberg. “But by adopting simple, consistent strategies to improve mental health, we can recharge and replenish our mental, social, and physical batteries.”
Health Matters spoke to Dr. Ginsberg to better understand what causes burnout and how to handle it.
Dr. Rachel E. Ginsberg
How is burnout different from stress?
Dr. Ginsberg: Stress and burnout are not quite the same thing. Stress is our body’s response to a difficult situation or challenge. If stress mounts too often, feels too heavy, lasts too long, or invites little relief, it can lead to burnout.
When people are experiencing burnout, they feel as though the challenges in their lives have overtaken their capacity for coping with them, and they don’t feel adequately fulfilled, rewarded, or appreciated. They become less motivated and energized as a result of being tethered to a feeling that too much is expected of them, and they begin to feel disconnected from their sense of purpose, home and/or work lives, and relationships with others.
We often associate the word “burnout” with the workplace, but burnout can cut across other domains of life, such as parenting or caregiving. And if you are experiencing burnout in one area, it often has a snowball effect into other areas.
What are the telltale signs of burnout?
Some of the mental and physical symptoms of burnout include: fatigue, compromised focus, irritability, headaches, anxiety, loss of enjoyment, worry, changes in appetite, or sleep irregularities.
It’s common for people experiencing burnout to feel that their circumstances amount to a loss of control. It might seem impossible to meet all of their various demands, and there’s a disconnect between the life they want to be living and the life that they are living.
Very often, people experiencing burnout will continuously put their own needs last and prioritize the needs of others, whether it’s their family or their employer. They struggle to ask for help and will try to manage everything on their own, which can lead to feelings of suffering in silence and resentment.
How can someone recover from burnout?
An analogy for burnout that I use with my patients is: If you plug too many things in at once, it puts you at risk for blowing a fuse. Once this happens, you need to figure out how to rekindle some purposeful sparks.
You can use the acronym SPARKS as a launching pad to help overcome burnout and prioritize your mental health:
S: Setting Limits (and Softening Expectations)
It’s important to soften self-expectations and expectations for others. For example, for a parent, it’s OK if you don’t have the energy to play with your kids every day; you can give yourself permission to relax on the couch and watch them play without feeling guilt. At work, softening expectations might come down to letting your manager know that you need an extra day or two to complete a project. Doing this can provide a helpful buffer when it comes to handling demands. Remodeling expectations is the cornerstone of reducing burnout.
P: Problem Solving
Because of the sense of helplessness that often accompanies burnout, it’s important to regain feelings of both acceptance and control. Start by picking out two or three sources of stress that you can tackle, even if they are minor hassles. While you can’t fix everything at once, this strategy can make a mountain of challenges start to seem more manageable.
A: Ask for Help
Delegating and accepting support from others is crucial; it not only reduces your demands, but also creates connection with others, which can help ease some of the feelings of isolation and dread that come with burnout.
R: Recharging
Some people recharge by spending quality time with others, while some people need alone time. Some find that exercise helps, while others prefer to read quietly. No matter what it is, try to claim time to relax and do something that brings you joy.
K: Kindness
It might seem obvious, but self-compassion is an important step in combatting burnout. Even if you didn’t accomplish everything on your to-do list in a single day, recognize you are doing the best that you can, and tomorrow is a new day.
S: Small Wins
Instead of focusing on what you can’t control or fix, try to think about the small wins in your day, whether it be a problem you helped resolve at work, or the way a family member showed appreciation for something you did for them.
If feelings of burnout are causing distress, impairment, or are contributing to anxiety or depression, or you are a parent or a caregiver who would benefit from more skills-based support, it can be helpful to reach out to a mental health care provider.
Tips for Coping with Parental Burnout
While job burnout is perhaps more frequently discussed, parental burnout is just as serious. In a new advisory, the U.S. surgeon general warned that parental stress is “an urgent public health issue.”
The advisory reports that “41% of parents say that they are so stressed they cannot function,” and that chasing unrealistic expectations have left parents “feeling exhausted, burned out, and perpetually behind.” The report also points out the relationship between parental mental health and child outcomes.
The message is clear: When we mitigate parental stress, moms and dads are better equipped to take care of both themselves and their children. Dr. Ginsberg also spoke to us about parental burnout.
How is parental burnout different from other kinds of burnout?
Parental burnout occurs when you feel that all of your responsibilities as a parent are larger than life, and your perception of your ability to be an effective parent becomes compromised. Like other types of burnout, parental burnout provokes feelings of helplessness; it feels as though you have too much to keep track of – from doctor’s appointments to school functions to meal planning – and don’t know where to start. You might have less energy, less motivation, and be more emotionally sensitive or “checked out.”
Often, parents with burnout can become more reactive and irritable with their children, leading to feelings of secondary guilt or shame, which continues the cycle of burnout.
Should parents communicate with their children about their burnout?
Kids are very perceptive – they can usually sense when something feels off. Parents should feel comfortable thoughtfully communicating with their child about burnout. When feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, they can say something like, “My battery’s really low right now.” You can share how you plan to recharge for 15 minutes. It’s important to normalize that you can’t be “on” for your kids one hundred percent of the time. When appropriate, these are moments when you can often task and empower kids with helping out or growing their independence.
How can parents protect themselves from burnout?
Remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup. It’s crucial that parents prioritize their own mental health so that they are able to spend time with their children in a meaningful way. When we spread ourselves too thin, it’s hard to be present, happy, or grateful around our kids. Learn to lean on others for help and let go of unrelenting standards for yourself; when you make mistakes, learn to repurpose them as opportunities for parenting growth.
Parents should remember they’re not alone. Normalizing and sharing experiences with other parents, and asking for any helpful tips (e.g., from parents who have been through similar stages) can create just the right “sparks” to help alleviate stress and prevent and soothe parental burnout.